


Living pain

by Echo_star



Category: The Gifted (TV 2017)
Genre: F/M, mentions self harm
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-12
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2019-02-22 13:41:12
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,328
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13168095
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Echo_star/pseuds/Echo_star
Summary: My imagined aftermath of Clarice being capturedUm maybe don’t read if your having a good day?





	1. Shock

**Author's Note:**

> So this started from a prompt.

Clarice shuddered as she entered the HQ. The slightly yellowed walls unfamiliar after the almost blindingly white ones of Trask Industries. She haltingly makes her way to her room, she feels empty. Absent. Like she’s not really here. 

Since the moment that Sonia’s death hit home, the rage and helplessness overcoming her, she’s been running on autopilot. Brief moments like seeing 3 Esmes’ and the first sight of John, Marcos and Lorna made an impression. The rest was Melded together; her cell, the van, escaping, portals, driving, home. 

She should probably start feeling something now.... right? Relief, sadness or something? She sits, waiting for it to come. Worrying slightly when it doesn’t. It’s there, she can feel it. Like a stone inside her, a heavy weight. 

Clarice glances up as she hears a light knock on the door. 

“Hey. Can I come in?” 

She nods. The suppressed emotions become suffocating. She wants to curse or scream. She doesn’t want an audience when she falls apart. 

He sits next to her on the bed, she should apologize, offer her condolences or say something. Anything. But she’s silent. Still trying to figure it out.

John raises his hand, wants to comfort her. Her silence, her mannerisms and just her feel wrong. When she doesn’t move he lets it fall to the bed, bridging the gap between them. He’s pieced together what happened. Between her brief recount when she found them and a later one from the siblings, he has a pretty fair idea what she’s been through. He hasn’t mourned Sonia yet. He will, but right now there’s nothing he can do for her. For Clarice? He remembers her reactions after seeing the destruction of her childhood, but this is different. Witnessing death, fearing your own. He understands that, knows the guilt that accompanies surviving. 

She screams inside her mind to say something like she’s sorry for his loss or I’m sorry I gave her hope before watching her die. But she can’t make the words come out. 

She turns to face him, looking at him never fails to bring her deepest emotions to the surface. It doesn’t fail this time either. He’s looking at her all soft eyes and that feeling of safety surrounds her. He would protect her because that’s who he is. 

She can’t stop the tears that fall from her face as jumbled words escape her mouth. His hand moves to her shoulder, gently tugging til she’s in his arms and she lets it all out. The tears cathartic, like a tap releasing the pressure. She feels his arms tight around her, the weight heavy and comforting. 

As her tears run their course, the stream reducing to a few stray tears, she pulls back rubbing harshly at her eyes. Despite releasing her pent up emotion on him, she’s yet to say anything remotely understandable.

Clarice glances around, the relief of being here finally soothing her as she breaks the barrier, her voice rough and slightly hoarse “I never want to see white walls again.” 

She’s not sure if she expects to lighten the atmosphere, but as she glances at John, sees the softness of his eyes harden, she scoots away from the hand reaching towards her. Now she’s speaking actual words, she needs to get this out.

“I’m sorry.” It’s a whisper “I- I wish I could have saved her. That I had done something-“ 

He cuts in, not wanting her to go down this path “Hey, this isn’t your fault. Okay?”   
He waits till her gaze is back on him before continuing “none of what happened is your fault. We shouldn’t have asked you to go into a building you had no information on. Once caught you gave everyone a chance to get away. You were a friend to Sonia when she needed one and you had no way of stopping Trask from firing that gun. You did everything right and the rest isn’t on you.”

He sighs as her eyes flicker to the window again. It will take time for her to accept what’s happened, even longer for her to understand that none of it was her fault. He needs to check on everyone else. Maybe go beat up some trees to release his anger but he will check on her again. Once she’s had time to decompress. 

Clarice looks at him. Nods as she hears him say he will be back. Once he’s gone, the comfort of the room disappears. The walls feel like they are closing in on her, so she quickly pulls a portal, satisfaction flowing through her at the familiar action.

She sits outside leaning against the building, lets the cool breeze wash over her. One minute she’s awake, the next she’s asleep as exhaustion overwhelms her. 

She doesn’t awaken when she’s carried to the roof of the building. Nor does she awaken as the stars glitter closer than before, as someone sits guard beside her unwilling to let her face the monsters alone


	2. Pain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> When pain eclipses all clarice looses herself to it....
> 
> Mention of self harm

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh man sorry in advance? Im not sure how I feel about this
> 
> Brief mention of self harm please don’t read if that triggers/ Upsets you

Everything that’s happened; escaping sentinel services, almost dying, having her memories tampered with, her family dying, being recaptured, Sonia dying and escaping again. It’s too much. She feels like she’s drowning. Being surrounded by people yet having no one. She feels alone despite the busy HQ.

Tears begin to stream down her face, gasps wracking her body as she cries. It hurts. It all hurts so bad. She’s not sure what she feels, so many conflicting emotions battling to be felt. The pent up emotion now running untamed. It has been running on a loop in her mind for days; Sonia dying, the hope she’d dashed for Lorna and John. Their faces, Sonia’s face, the crazy doctor and the blood. So much blood.

How can anyone hate them that much? She’s never hurt anyone, at least not on purpose. What has she done to deserve this? 

The sobs continue to wrack her body, the pain too much. Her nails dig into her hands, the small hurt a relief from the internal pain. 

She can’t see past the tears. The need to leave is overwhelming. This building too attached to her inner torment. 

She pictures somewhere outside, is half terrified she’s going to split herself in half through a dodgy portal. A small traitorous part of her hopes for the pain. 

As she reaches the grass she falls to her knees, cheeks damp her hands grip the grass as she screams. Yells. Releases the months of pent up emotion and injustices. Her voice turns hoarse, yet the pain continues as do the tears.

She feels arms wrap around her, hands shifting her till she’s positioned in a lap. It doesn’t feel like it’s her, till the hands stroke the hair from her face. She sees his face, all warm brown eyes and sobs harder, remembers the devastation when she told him Sonia died. He pulls her closer, one hand cradling her head the other around her shoulders. She buries herself in his arms, wanting to feel safe, needing the pain to fade. 

She curls her fists in his shirt, her tears dampening it. Feeling his soft hands caressing her back, her leg renews the the pain of losing him all over again. So enveloped in her anguish, she shudders as she screams into his chest. She cries until her eyes are dry, until she physically can’t cry anymore. Exhausted she drifts asleep. 

She doesn’t see the tears that fall down his face as he holds her, as he blames himself for her pain. Blames himself for letting them walk into danger and not seeing the bigger picture. Blames himself for the death. He strokes her hair as she screams into his chest, her pain almost tangible. As she falls asleep he holds her, presses a soft kiss into her hair. Hopes that the worst is over and if it’s not he promises to be there to take the brunt of it. She won’t be alone. Not again.


End file.
